Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am naked and annoyed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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