Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
