I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
