I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
