My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
