everyone is single if you try hard enough
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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