don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
