Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
