call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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