that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
