Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
