i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Randomize