um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
