Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
