I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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