Me too!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
