We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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