Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
