Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
