i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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