she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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