dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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