If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
