you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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