The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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