I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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