it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
