she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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