it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
