Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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