I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
