dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
