New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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