saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
