well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
