Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
