i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
