had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
