You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
