i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
