My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
