3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize