I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
