sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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