You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
