the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He passed out mid-signature
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
