So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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