so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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