I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
