I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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