There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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