3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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