don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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