Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
