Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
