carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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