i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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