if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
