I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize