I wanna bring you to show and tell
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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