Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
