When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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