I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize