Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
