it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
