Have you finally orgasmed yet?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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