I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
