Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
